


You Come First

by Aria_Lerendeair



Series: Magnus Bane Birthday Bash 2020 [10]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: 3x10, 3x10 Fix-It, Angst, Cuddling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Good Boyfriend Alec Lightwood, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Magnus Bane, Insecurities, Kisses, M/M, Magnus keeps his magic, They make another choice, good communication, supportive boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:14:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28332189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aria_Lerendeair/pseuds/Aria_Lerendeair
Summary: When Magnus is about to walk into Edom to make a deal with Asmodeus to save Jace, Alec stops him, because he has an important and foundation-shaking realization about their relationship.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Magnus Bane Birthday Bash 2020 [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2069832
Comments: 17
Kudos: 370





	You Come First

**Author's Note:**

> Anonymous Prompted: For Magnus' birthday bash, could you write a kind of "fix-it" of 3x10? With Alec not letting Magnus go to Edom and instead wanting to find another solution. When Clary told them about Raziel's wish and Alec saying he would've done the same, I want to believe he was talking about Magnus. Magnus must've thought it was about Jace. And then not letting Magnus go to Edom is a way of Alec to say "No, it's you. I choose you." I really need a bit of hurt/comfort now, if it's okay to you.
> 
> This is entirely the fault of Hika - but GOD I LOVE IT!!!

“Tell me Jace isn’t worth it,” Magnus ordered, staring his boyfriend down. He could see the anguish there, the fear and worry Alec had for his parabatai. He nodded and turned back to the pentagram. He’d known, from the very beginning, that Alec would always pick Jace, and that had never changed. It wasn’t Alec’s fault. 

  
Magnus swallowed down the reminder that he would never come first in Alec’s life. That his silence was the only answer Alec could give him, because to say the words out loud would irrevocably hurt both of them, and they knew it. He focused on the ash in front of him and took a deep breath, gathering magic into his palms, when he was abruptly yanked back. 

  
“Alexander-”

  
“He is,” Alec blurted, staring at Magnus, searching his face desperately for the wince that he’d barely managed to hide. "He is worth it, Magnus, but not at the cost of _you.”_ For all that the comment had been flippant, the reminder that Magnus was terrified of Edom, terrified of going to face his father had him realizing just what he was about to ask Magnus to do. 

  
Magnus sighed, shaking his head. "Alec, this is our last-"

  
"We’ll find another way,” Alec said, his voice firming. "We, we can’t…" he took a deep breath and focused on Magnus’ eyes, on the pain that he could see lurking there. _"You,_ you can’t go.” 

  
Magnus looked up at him and turned to face Alec properly. _“Alexander._ I’m going to be all right. I promise. I’ll come back to you.” His lips quirked and he reached up, cupping Alec’s chin in his hand. "After all, look what I have waiting for me."

  
Alec blinked hard, swallowing against the gentle touch of Magnus’ hand. "Fine, if you’re, if you’re going to Edom, I’m going with you.” 

  
Magnus blinked. "What? No, you can’t."

  
Alec’s expression firmed and he stared Magnus down. "I am, I’m not going to let you go alone. I’ve, we’ve already lost Jace. I’m not about to risk losing you, too, not even to try to get him back.” 

  
“Alexander-”

  
“We’ll find another way,” Alec repeated. "You are too important to me, Magnus. I’m not going to let you do this."

  
Magnus took a deep breath and buried the pain at having to, for some wild, ridiculous reason, do the exact opposite of this argument and faced his boyfriend. "Alexander, it’s _Jace.”_

  
Alec stepped in closer, searching Magnus’ eyes. "And while Jace is my parabatai, Magnus, I love you. You come first. _Always.”_

  
Magnus’ breath caught and he stared at Alec before he shook his head. Alec was just trying to convince him not to go to Edom and- “Alec, this might be our one chance. We have to-”

 _  
“Magnus,”_ Alec’s voice wavered. 

  
Magnus tensed and closed his eyes, his shoulders hunching up. He should have known that Alec wouldn’t miss that deflection. He opened his eyes and blinked up at Alexander, trying to smile at him. "Alec, I’m going to be-"

  
"No, no, forget that for a second,” Alec said with a wave of his hand. "Magnus…" he dropped his hands to Magnus’ forearms, holding him carefully in place. "You know you come first, right?” 

  
Magnus swallowed and took a deep breath, steeling himself as best he could for this conversation. _"Alexander._ I have known, almost since the day I met you, that there are people in your life who will always come first, no matter what. Those people are your siblings, and your parabatai."

  
Magnus watched Alec’s face crumple and forced himself to keep talking. "I’ve, I’ve never wanted to have you in a position where you would have to pick, but I am aware…” he looked to the side, to the edges of the pentagram. "I am aware of where your priorities rest."

 _  
"You_ are my priority!” Alec snapped, meeting Magnus’ eyes when they darted back to his. "Magnus you, you are always my priority. _You_ come first."

  
"Before Jace?” Magnus asked, his eyes flashing in anger, his voice rising. "Before Isabelle?" He shook his head. "Alec, I know my place, it’s-”

  
“Clearly you don’t!” Alec growled, glaring at Magnus. "Clearly you don’t know, because you’re making those statements like I would pick either of them before you!"

  
Magnus glared right back at Alec, his glamor down and power gathering around his fingertips. "You would! You _have!”_

  
“When the alternative is time with you, or one of them getting injured or hurt, or captured by Valentine, of course I have!” Alec shouted at him. "But if it were life or death? What you’re saying is on the line right now? Of course I wouldn’t!"

  
Magnus shook his head, scoffing as he took a step away from the pentagram, trying to get his power back under control. Alec was just saying that because, because of what they were faced with. He didn’t mean it, he’d told Clary as much, that he would rescue Jace, that he would use the Wish to-

  
"Magnus!” Alec said, his voice low and dark, spinning his boyfriend back around, ignoring the flare of dark magic around his fingertips. _“Look at me.”_

**  
“Alec,”** Magnus said, suddenly exhausted in the face of Alec’s anger. "It’s going to be fine. I’ll go, make the deal and-"

 _  
"Magnus,”_ Alec repeated, his voice softening, reaching out to take Magnus’ hand in his. "Look at me. _Please."_

  
Magnus sighed, his shoulders sagging as he looked up at Alec. The lies would at least taste sweet in the moment, and he’d be able to savor them until they were proven untrue all over again. 

  
Alec stepped in closer, pressing their foreheads together. _"Magnus,”_ he whispered, barely an exhale. "Jace would pick Clary over me,“ he said, watching Magnus’ eyes widen. "He wouldn’t hesitate. As much as I know Jace loves me, he would not hesitate to make that choice. And I…” he swallowed. "I told Clary I’d do the same as what she did. With the Wish."

  
"I know,” Magnus whispered. "You’d bring Jace back." The knowledge was a rock, sitting in the pit of his stomach, but he’d known, from the very beginning, he _had,_ it hadn’t been a shock or a surprise, but-

  
"No,” Alec said, frowning. "I, is that what you thought I meant? When I agreed with her?"

  
Magnus frowned, meeting Alec’s eyes. "Of course that’s what you meant.” 

  
Alec’s eyes widened and he reached up, cupping Magnus’ face, his voice turning frantic and desperate. "No, no, Magnus, it _wasn’t._ I was agreeing with _who_ in her life she saved, not _Jace.”_

  
Magnus blinked. 

  
“Angels above,” Alec cursed, kissing Magnus hard and quick, before pulling back to look at him. "I was saying that if it had been you on the ground, and I’d had the Wish, I would have brought _you_ back, Magnus. I wouldn’t have hesitated."

  
Magnus’ eyes widened and he stared at Alec, but there was no uncertainty, no hesitation in his eyes. "You…” 

  
Alec breathed out, wrapping his arms around Magnus, pulling him in tight. _"Magnus,"_ he whispered, burying his face in Magnus’ neck. "I would. I wouldn’t hesitate to use the Wish to bring you back. You come first in my life now. Not Izzy, not Jace, not even Max. I hope that the angels never make me choose, but if I had to, I know who I would pick. Every time.” 

  
Magnus swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry as he turned, pressing his face into Alec’s shoulder, a small, hiccuping sob leaving him as he wrapped his arms around Alec’s waist. When Alec’s arms tightened around him, he held onto Alec tighter, letting the tears escape into the soft fabric of Alec’s blazer. 

  
“You have to believe me,” Alec whispered, digging his fingers into Magnus’ back. "Please, Magnus. You have to know that I love you, and I would never try to put you behind them."

  
A hard, dry swallow had Magnus shuddering and he forced himself to blink his eyes open and draw his attention back to Alec, pulling his head back enough to look at him, to look at the raw, desperate emotion in his eyes. "I know you love me, Alexander,” he whispered. "I’ve never doubted that, not ever."

  
"But…?” Alec breathed. 

  
“But if I don’t do this, and Jace…” Magnus trailed off, looking at the pentagram. "This might be our one shot to save him."

  
Alec shuddered under the weight of that knowledge and turned to look at the lines of ash along the carpet. "What would your father demand of you?” 

  
Magnus closed his eyes and leaned against Alec. "There are very few things that a Prince of Hell wants, Alexander." 

  
"So you know what he’d ask for,” Alec said, tightening his arms around Magnus. 

  
“The choices are limited. He’d ask me to stay. I’d refuse. After that, it’d be a very small amount of things. But I suspect, with Lilith gaining as much power as she has been…” Magnus trailed off. "I suspect he’d demand my magic."

  
Alec sucked in a hard breath and he yanked himself back and stared at Magnus. "What?” 

  
Magnus nodded. "It’s what I would do, in his position. And it would make it easier to fight her."

  
Alec shook his head. "Well now you certainly aren’t going,” he growled, dropping his hands to Magnus’ arms. "We’ll find another way to rescue Jace, and break Lilith’s hold over him."

  
Magnus’ heart ached with how much he loved Alec, and that simple declaration enough to have him ready to fall apart. He took a deep breath. "And if there isn’t another way?” he asked, trying to keep his voice gentle. "Could you live with the knowledge that this could have saved your parabatai and you didn’t try? We didn’t try?"

  
Alec winced and looked down at the floor. 

  
"I know you, Alexander,” Magnus said, his voice soft. "I told you. You’d burn the whole world down to make something right, and this is no exception. I need to-"

  
Alec blinked and yanked himself fully upright and his eyes flew to Magnus. _"Wait.”_

  
Magnus stared at Alec in confusion. "What?"

  
Alec’s eyes were wild as he stared at Magnus. "What would you need from your father? What would you have to ask him for?” 

  
Magnus blinked. "I’d, I’d need significantly more power. In order to burn the Owl, Lilith’s control out of Jace. I told you this."

  
Alec nodded rapidly, reaching out to grab Magnus’ hands, waiting for Magnus to meet his eyes again. "And what if I had another way to give you that kind of power?” 

  
Magnus frowned and shook his head. "Alec, there’s no way-"

  
"Not even the Angelic Core?” Alec pressed. 

  
Magnus paused. 

  
The silence between the both of them went several beats too long. 

  
“That might work, wouldn’t it?” Alec asked, his eyes on Magnus’ face. "If you took some, or hell, all, of the power from the core. And used that. It’d work."

  
Magnus swallowed and gave a slow nod. "I think... I think it might, Alec.” 

  
Alec’s grin was triumphant and he tugged Magnus into his arms, kissing him hard and passionate, pressing him back against the wall of his apothecary. "I love you for wanting to save Jace for me," he breathed, pressing their foreheads together. "I love every part of you that wants to make, to give that sacrifice. But I can’t be whole without _both_ of you in my life.” 

  
Magnus swallowed and stared up at Alec, even as his boyfriend pressed in closer to him. "I’m sorry," he whispered. 

  
"We’re going to get him back,” Alec promised, kissing Magnus again. "We’re going to use the Angelic Core to get him back. We’ll wipe Lilith’s influence _out_ of him, and then we’ll deal with the rest."

  
Magnus sagged against Alec, some of the fear leeching out of him at last as he wrapped his arms tighter around Alec. He clenched his fingers in the blazer Alec was wearing to keep them from shaking, letting out a harsh breath. His heart was still pounding, but now that the threat of needing to walk into Edom was gone…

  
"Magnus?” Alec whispered. 

  
Magnus swallowed, lifting his eyes to look at Alec. He shook his head and pressed his forehead against Alec’s neck again, letting the steady beat of his heart soothe the still frantic and frazzled parts of his magic. He didn’t have to go back. He didn’t need to walk into Edom again, he could _stay._

  
Alec’s voice came again, soft and timid. "Magnus? Are you okay?"

  
Magnus swallowed hard, breathing out against Alec’s skin. _"Yeah,”_ he whispered, even though it was clear to the both of them that okay was the last thing he was. "Yeah, I’m…" he swallowed. "I’m all right.” 

  
Alec leaned back, keeping his arms around Magnus, holding onto him. Without Magnus pressed up against the wall, he could feel how his boyfriend was trembling and he realized just how terrified Magnus must have been to face his father all over again. A noise caught in his throat and he tightened his arms around Magnus. 

  
“Alec?” Magnus asked, reaching up to rub at his back. 

  
A sigh escaped from him before he could stop it. Here Magnus was, shaking and scared and trying to comfort him. He gave Magnus another hard squeeze and took a deep breath. “Come here,” he ordered, turning to lead the two of them back to the couch in the living room. 

  
Magnus followed Alec’s awkward shuffle to the living room until they were both curled up on the couch, a blanket over them. “Alec?” 

  
“So,” Alec cleared his throat, holding onto Magnus as tight as he dared. “We’re, we’re going to stay here for an hour or two unless the world starts ending.” He pressed a kiss to Magnus’ temple. “And, and just… just take a few minutes.” 

  
Magnus swallowed and turned to press his face against Alec’s deflect rune, changing his outfit with a quick flick of his fingers to make it easier to lounge against Alec. “We’re okay, Alec,” he offered, closing his eyes. “We’re okay.” 

  
Alec swallowed and tightened his arms around Magnus. “You don’t…” he exhaled hard, keeping Magnus close. “I know how strong you are. How powerful. I know you’d never make choices or decisions you _truly_ don’t want to.” 

  
Magnus made a soft noise, even as Alec’s hand started rubbing up and down his back again. 

  
“But…” Alec paused. “I want you to know that you don’t have to sacrifice parts of yourself to prove anything about our relationship. Not to me, or anyone else. I love you. And, and that’s enough. That’s always enough.” 

  
Magnus sighed. “Alexander-” 

  
“I mean it, Magnus,” Alec interrupted, keeping his voice soft. “You have a people, friends, and family to safeguard. They need you, just like I do.” He kissed Magnus’ temple again. “I will still always call you first, because I love you, I trust you, and I know you will always help. But just as importantly…” 

  
Magnus felt the tug to his chin and tilted his face up to meet Alec’s eyes. “Hmm?” 

  
“I’m not going to leave if you say no,” Alec said, his voice firm and certain. “If you say you can’t help because you are busy, or are already committed elsewhere.” He felt Magnus tense and kept going. “You don’t have to break your life apart for me, for _us,_ Magnus. I love you, and I will always love you.” 

  
Magnus let out a hard, shaky breath. “I’ll keep that in mind, Alexander.” He smiled and shifted to press that much closer. “And I love you too.”

  
Alec kissed Magnus’ temple again and leaned back to relax against the couch. He knew that Magnus didn’t believe him entirely yet, but that was all right. He had time to prove it. 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Criticisms welcome!
> 
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> 
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> [AriaLerendeair](http://arialerendeair.tumblr.com/)
> 
> And on twitter over here:  
> [Aria_Lerendeair](https://twitter.com/Aria_Lerendeair)


End file.
